Sitting here waiting to cool down enough to have a shower after another gym session. Worried that posting my fitness goals on social media will give ammunition to the Dept of Defence against my fight for an apology, yes an apology, compensation would be nice but will not cure me only help me and my family should the worse happen and pay for all the medications and tests I’m already taking. An apology for endless years of being told ‘suck it up and put on your uniform and go back to work’…being bullied for being sick.
I served twenty two years. You think if I didn’t love my job and wanted money I’d have stuck all that harassment for 22 years. You think I’d have paid thousands of euros for medical tests out of my own pocket if I wasn’t worried about my health?
The Dept weren’t there when I got up every morning suffering from diarrhoea. Hoping it make it to work without soiling myself. I can’t go anywhere without anti-diarrhoea tablets.
They weren’t there when I was vomiting on my knees in the toilet from pure anxiety. When I was crying like a baby not knowing why or what was happening in my body. When I couldn’t get out of bed for fear of well fear of nothing because the wiring in my brain was malfunctioning.
They weren’t there when I blew a fuse with my wife because of uncontrollable mood swings. They weren’t there when I had to get cameras up me to see why I was always suffering stomach pains. They weren’t with me when I embarrassingly had to tell my story over and over again to counsellors, psychologists, psychiatrists, doctors , nurses , who all bar one brushed it off and said I don’t think this is psychological. “I laughed and said google says I’ve MS!” His face went serious and said that was his next opinion. I paid to get a brain MRI the next day and waited an agonising 48 hrs for the results which were negative . Fancy that , it’s being caused by something else.
I was finally diagnosed with toxic Neuropathy three years ago and associated conditions. I was also told I was at high risk of cancer of some form (like many of my mates already).
So Dept of Defence , all those days I went to work and done my best, performed flawlessly according to my personal record, I was pushing myself to the limit. When I was sick I had passed that limit (sorry I forgot, I was malingering hence my extra duties) but all those days I held it together in my ticking time bomb of a body because I loved my job. Was I lying ? No. Are you lying ? Yes!!!!
You can’t give me my life back I’m damaged till this body gives up but at least say sorry and say it loud so that the many who don’t realise why they are suffering also can hear you.
Better have that shower now and continue on my seemingly heavenly social media life.
22 Years Air Corps Service
Constructively dismissed by Irish Army Air Corps management as a malingerer.
